Just Call me a De-Fluencer

Dearest Gentle Reader,

Lady Whistledown here. For anyone who is watching Bridgerton (no spoilers please- just started Season 3), what do you think about the rules of high London society in the early 1800’s? The fact that men and women couldn’t be seen alone together, or they were forced to get married; women had to be introduced to society at a young age and find a suitable match during the “season;” and the wealthy sat around gossiping while lounging in corsets and exquisite gowns. What a different time. Well, somewhat.

Obviously, women now are not as oppressed. Marriages don’t look the same way they did back then. Thankfully, we are given the freedom to express ourselves without being cast out of society. Classes aren’t as obvious (although they haven’t disappeared). But that doesn’t mean that societal rules don’t still exist.

In Bridgerton, The Whistledown Papers (for those who aren’t familiar with the show, it’s basically an old fashioned gossip column) have such a hold on the “ton” and cause them to behave differently, frequenting certain shops and aspiring to emulate the behaviors of those deemed successful or fashionable. Maybe we don’t get our information the same way these days, but I would say it’s human nature for certain people, brands, and lifestyles to be the most revered. No matter the time period.

This morning, I checked Instagram (I had to take Facebook off my phone because it was getting too easy to go down the rabbit hole), and as I was scrolling, my eyes were filled with tons of those “Influencer” accounts- you know, the ones that tell you how to be the best dressed, best mom, best hostess, best cook, best gift giver, I could go on and on. And hey, I love following people who give ideas for recipes, crafts, and books. And if that’s fun for people to create that sort of content, knock yourself out. But have you ever just wanted to go to the top of a building and scream “WHAT ARE WE DOING?!” at the top of your lungs? Just me? Okay well maybe that’s a little much, but really, what ARE we doing- to ourselves?

Remember when we just drank water out of a drinking fountain? My daughter didn’t bring a water bottle to school the other day and was really thrown off. For those old enough to remember the 90’s, it was a complete joke when people started bottling water and selling it. I vividly remember people talking about “Why would you sell water? It just comes out of the tap.” Now even our water is a status symbol. And don’t even think about using an old water bottle. You must get rid of your old ones and make sure to have the newest style.

Or what about lunch boxes? Back in the day, you MIGHT have a fun container for your lunch, but mostly it was just a paper bag. Now we have videos of cute ways to organize our kids’ food and create little flowers out of their fruits and vegetables. I’m guilty of the lunchbox because it’s just fun and the Bento boxes are handy. But do we really need to decorate the food that’s either going to be scarfed down or just thrown away? It’s gone from being fun to being kind of a competition that I don’t want to be a part of.

I could seriously go on for hours about all the social norms that we (myself included) follow, trying to find some sort of happiness, but coming up empty- and for many, in debt. If you watch Bridgerton, you will find out that it’s the people who go against the crowd that are truly happy. That’s not a show spoiler but just common sense. In the most recent episode, one of the characters tells another "Well done... for stepping away from the herd, even though you risked becoming a target." We may dress differently and not be as proper these days, but people are people, and time won't change that fact.

So why don’t we just stop? It doesn’t have to be huge. Just wear what you think looks good, do what you like (well within reason- don’t need anyone going to jail), and give yourself a break. Maybe if we do that, our kids will follow suit and we will create a happier generation in the future.

I was listening to the “We Can Do Hard Things” podcast several months ago (love Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Sister- check it out if you haven’t), and they were talking about when kids- especially girls- lose their joy. It’s about the time they turn 10. Can you believe that? Well, when you think of it, it makes sense. At that age, kids start noticing societal cues and are being told how to behave. They must, somewhat, stop being themselves. Middle school was tough for me as I was trying to figure out where I fit (more on that later), and I want to stop the cycle.  

Around age10 holding a parrot (Rosie) at Freddie and Pam's.

I didn't like my glasses at all- one of the reasons they're so prominently displayed on this page.

The word “enabler” is looked on negatively. Someone who enables people to continue with behavior that isn’t acceptable. Well, I may be an enabler- I’ll enable you to question why we are doing things. Or call me a de-fluencer. If anything, this blog will try to influence you to NOT do things just because that’s what society tells us.

Do you think in a couple hundred years, there will be a show about us?

Hayley